Becoming More Than Our Work. When the Work Becomes Us.
“Go home.” Those two words in an email from a displeased boss 10 years ago completely blew up what work means to me and how I’ve approached it ever since.
In this case, “go home” at 11 am on a Wednesday wasn’t because I was sick or deserved a break for all of my good work coupled with the perpetual exhaustion of having an almost one-year old at home. I had accidentally responded ( = hit reply-all in the spirit of transparency) to an email that my charismatic yet erratic boss had blind copied (bcc-ed) me on. Pro-tip — don’t bcc people in this way. It’s not a great thing to do. Needless to say, she was pissed for layers of reasons I’m sure, and fired off those two words at me along with a handful of others in her follow-up phone call.
A window into what was streaming through my heart and mind at that time — What.the.fuck? Did I just get fired? I’ve never been talked to this way by someone I work with. Shit. Why did I do that? Why didn’t I look first?! You are so dumb. This is your fault. Don’t cry here. It’s weak. You are weak. Wait. Do I take all of my things with me? Do I tell my co-workers? Well, at least my son will be happy to see me home early. Should I quit if I’m not fired? Will my husband be cool if I did? This is sooo not worth it especially when I have to use a breast pump in the bathroom every day. Why am I here again?
As a general rule-follower, people pleaser who at that time, mostly believed I did something to deserve a yucky thing happening, I felt broken and worn when I got home. I even sent my boss an apology for my role in all that unfolded. Until this, the core of who I was as a person, was tightly strapped to my career and accomplishments. So failing in this job meant failing as a human in life.
Thankfully by then, I was starting to explore and question the big things within and outside of myself. This usually begins to happen when things aren’t going the way you’d hoped in life. If we’re lucky, our first steps on this path occur before the Universe gives us a swift kick in the rear. Through some of those kicks and general discontent, I was starting to think about the nature of life, my purpose, what I really want, and the world I want for my son, you know — the tiny details of existence. And fortunately, I was also starting to receive and accept guidance and tools in the form of meditation, counseling, and spiritual knowledge to help me start sorting and clearing things out. Looking at the crap and dust that has accumulated on us over the years is not breezy work. Whose expectations are we trying to live up to and why? Could we really be more than our job titles and roles and responsibilities in life? It takes a second (or a series of years) for it to sink in but spoiler alert — WE ARE. We are much more than our minds can truly conceive. Even getting a glimpse of who we really are, well…words are not enough.
Though I learned in the next day or so of being sent home that I wasn’t officially let go and my boss was remorseful for her actions, I decided that I needed to let-go of this role and work environment. At this time in my life, I was privileged enough to have a choice. So I mustered the courage to push past my old conditioning and give myself permission to quit. I decided that if I was going to leave my son with someone else to care for during the day, it should mean something to me, and I should be valued for who I am and what I offer. More importantly, over time I’ve realized that those of us who do have that privilege (or moments of it), also have a responsibility to carpe diem, be true to ourselves, and create more space to support others, and model what we want to see more of in the world.
I would love to exist in a world where we all work not to just survive and pay the bills, but to share ourselves and be of service to each other. Imagine a world where we can all value and respect that each of us has a unique superpower to contribute to this wild and wacky world. What if technology was used for good — as a tool to free us up to engage in the things we love and that make us whole? And what if our educational system and work environments were designed to be creative and evolutionary, nurturing that spark for awesomeness within us that make us who we really are? No doubt we would live in a much more joyful and productive place. To quote the highly sophisticated and complex character Po from the film Kung Fu Panda 3, “Your real strength comes from being the best YOU you can be.”
Many of you are potentially nauseated from the view I just painted. I get that. It’s easy to get beaten down in the system. For many, it’s still a system that can incentivize mediocrity, bullies and ignore the quiet hard-working folks out there. Yet thanks to the perfect storm of young people not wanting to settle for jobs that lack meaning to them, labor shortages since the pandemic caused by folks rethinking their careers, and other poignant martial arts moves from the Universe, re-imagining a way of working where more of us thrive might not be as far out of reach as we think.
Since that directive to go home many years ago, I began to embrace a career path that owns my superpowers (including being sensitive or thin-skinned as that boss put it). I continually reflect and move to where my interests intersect with meaningful issues to address in the world (kind of like this). I’ve worked in some great roles and projects with some great people and organizations. I wrote a children’s book on dances of India with a dear friend because we couldn’t find any other books on the subject out there. I picked up new skills in design thinking, facilitation, Reiki and meditation.
I’ve also had some false starts and failures. There were roles that I wasn’t cut out for, that I jumped out of as quickly as I jumped into them. I’ve had to stand up and say no to projects that didn’t value the skills and experience I bring. I also sometimes made choices to spend precious, extra moments with my son at the cost of rising in the ranks and getting paid more. I still navigate judgement from others around moving around as I feel called. “What are you doing now?” In a snarky tone. We all know the tone. But the great thing about getting older is that like a honey badger, I care less and don’t regret any of those experiences for the lessons and gifts I’ve received from them.
If, like me, you one day find yourself in the unfortunate situation where someone at work tells you to pack up and go home (or something similar but hopefully less harsh), just think — it might be the first step in your journey to start coming home to yourself in ways you could have never imagined.
